They will continuously put up with their husband’s bad behavior indefinitely rather than try to identify possible causes and deal with them, including confronting the other woman. You are the husband or wife, all they are is a distraction or an addiction. They are nothing special. I was the other woman. The other woman is an object of desire, they are wanted based on the fact that they fulfill a man’s need to feel “in love” and not based on who they actually are. A guilty spouse may be very eager to pin the blame for his error on the other party, whether he initiated the relationship or she did. In the end, they discover that all the old burdens and issues that came along with the marriage are the same, the only difference is, the person they feel responsible to is different. Don’t allow the actions of an unfaithful spouse cause you to feel shame or unworthy. By subscribing you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Spend your time and energy focused on the problems in the marriage that led to an affair and finding a solution for those problems. It’s understandable that they become the target for the rage and anger the deceived spouse feels. When a husband has an affair, sometimes the wife may resort to confronting the other woman. Your role in your spouse’s life far outweighs their role. You'll tell yourself that she … They are not superior to you, they are simply different from you. 6 Signs It's Time. Cathy Meyer is a certified divorce coach, marriage educator, freelance writer, and founding editor of DivorcedMoms.com. Even if your marriage ends in divorce and your spouse chooses the other man/other woman you can bet, given time, reality will hit hard. But another way to look at the scenario is that the other woman is just as guilty as the husband, and thus needs to be confronted, too. How bad does it have to get before you say enough is enough? Before you go blaming another woman for your husband’s affair, make sure you know what really happened. … Keep in mind that he may have lied to her or misrepresented the facts of his availability and marital circumstances. By using LiveAbout, you accept our, Don’t Make The Other Person More Important Than They Are, See The Relationship For What It Really Is, They Are Not A Reality, They Are An Illusion, 5 Things You Need to Know About Cheating, Affairs and Infidelity, 7 Warning Signs Your Marriage May End in Divorce, A 5 Step Guide To Solving Marital Problems, How to Handle Your Spouse's Midlife Crisis, Should I Get a Divorce? Are you trying to get revenge? Their true nature will show itself and the fantasy will wear off. They are showing your spouse only their best side, they are being all they can be to your spouse and all they believe your spouse needs. 4. Finding out that your husband has violated his marriage vows for an affair with another woman can be devastating. How you handle the fact that there is another man or woman has a great deal to do with whether or not you end up in divorce court or, are able to save your marriage. And, please know that does not shift responsibility for your spouse's affair to you. Treat the meeting like a professional event in which your duty is to share unpleasant information that you will try to deliver uneventfully. Such feelings can lead to depression, self-loathing and anxiety. Despite this, if you have decided to forgive your husband and work on your issues, the problem may be how to make the other woman go away. Even though you are seething inside, don’t let the other woman know it. It is a tough one, which requires a lot of thinking. LiveAbout uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience. Even if she seduced him, he had the right and the responsibility to say no. In most cases, there are marital problems that lead a spouse to cheat. When a person views the world through a self-critical perspective, … Or are you only curious about who she is and what she’s like? Confronting the other woman while you are angry, hurt, or irritated will not necessarily improve the situation. On the other hand, if you need some testimony fort court, or you want some closure in your life, this woman may be able to provide you with some answers. Whether your goal is to save your marriage or divorce your unfaithful spouse, you need to keep a level head and develop good coping strategies. Since you can have only acrimony toward her, or perhaps, a little bit of pity, are you sure it’s a good idea to meet in person? Showing your feelings can give her power over you, which she may wield to hurt and wound you with later. There is no health without mental health, says Dr. Harris, Everyday Health's new medical editor in chief. Parade your emotions before her? Think of the infatuation that comes along with a love affair the same way you would if your spouse had “one too many beers.” Plus, they say that living well is the best revenge and, you certainly want to get revenge—in a manner that helps you heal instead of causing you more pain. Whether it "just happened" or you think it was "just meant to be," in the long-term, it will only result in torment and heartache. An affair is not a rejection of you but a rejection of their role as husband/wife and the restrictions it brings. Even though you are seething inside, don’t let the other woman know it. Everyday Health is among the federally registered trademarks of Everyday Health, Inc. and may not be used by third parties without explicit permission. Some women respond in anger, choosing to target the other woman as the perpetrator of the affair rather than assign blame equally with the husband. The circumstance is more important than the person your spouse is involved with. When they start making demands of your spouse, clinging and attempting to control the course of the affair the fantasy will wear off and your spouse will see them for who they really are...someone who has sex with another person's husband or wife. Stay calm, cool, and collected, letting her wonder what you’re thinking and what you’re going to say. Conversely, it is probably not a good idea to bring him along for the meeting, as this could make everyone uncomfortable, especially you. Chances are he will oppose the meeting, so be prepared when you discuss this possibility with him. Being the other woman is a thankless task. Realize that his wife or girlfriend doesn't want (or need) to talk to you. He/she happened to be in the right spot at the right time. Your spouse was looking for an affair, not looking for that person in particular. When Is It Time to Give Up on Your Marriage? Or he may try to go with you and smooth things over. It makes you a … Well, there is no single answer to this question. *You can observe body language and expressions that can enhance or disprove her words. Since the actual events are probably unknown to most wives, do what you can to learn the truth before confronting the other woman.